


I said I love you to death, so I must be dead

by just_an_average_human



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Gen, Implied/reference to suicide, Mystery, THIS IS GONNA GET ANGSTY, geoff and otto are just worried, please check the chapter specific trigger warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24742747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_an_average_human/pseuds/just_an_average_human
Summary: After Awsten moved to LA, Geoff and Otto noticed that he would go ‘off the grid’ (in his words), for a few days at the ends of each month.They’re about to find out exactly why...
Kudos: 14





	1. ‘Off the grid’

**Author's Note:**

> I’d originally planned for this to just be a oneshot, but I decided it fits better split over 3 chapters!
> 
> This does get a bit dark, more so towards the final chapter, so just be aware of that.
> 
> ~Enjoy!!

Ever since Awsten moved to LA, Geoff and Otto noticed a slight change in his behaviour. The three of them spoke (usually over text) almost everyday. Little updates on their lives, or simply just Awsten ranting about something that had gone down on Twitter- even though both (well, mostly Geoff) were aware of it already. 

And if they weren’t speaking directly, Awsten was usually active online everyday. 

However, for one or two days, usually towards the end of the month, Awsten would vanish off of social media completely. No new tweets, no resharing dog photos on his Instagram story, and especially no text messages.

Considering how active he was online, this behaviour was odd, to say the least. But it was something the internet hadn’t seemed to pick up on yet.

When they asked Awsten about it, he brushed them off, saying that he needed a break from social media. Which was understandable, considering what their fan base (specifically stan Twitter) was like.

Still, something didn’t sit right with either of them.

—————

Cut to July, and Geoff and Otto were staying at Awsten’s apartment for a few days, before tour started. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but both were aware that it was near the end of the month- the time when Awsten would go “off the grid”, as he would jokingly call it.

—————

2am saw Geoff woken to the sound of Awsten’s apartment door being shut. It was quiet, but enough to wake him. 

When Geoff got up, he noticed that Awsten’s shoes were missing from their usual spot by the door. And when he checked Awsten’s room, like the shoes, so was he.

Geoff wondered if this was the beginning of what took place each month- before walking over to Otto, and waking him from his death-like state.

“Dude… it’s 2am… What’s… what’s wrong?” Otto mumbled.

“Awsten’s gone, and I think this might be when he goes ‘off the grid,’” Geoff replied, scrolling through his phone.

“Oh shit.” He sat up. “How’d we find out where he’s going?”

“Here,” he said, showing Otto his phone. On the screen were three different coloured dots, and a map of LA. The purple and orange dots were stationary, and appeared to be placed on top of a building. Otto assumed that those dots represented him and Geoff.

The third dot, however, was on the move. Otto watched as the red dot moved further away from where they were, seemingly headed out of LA. He put two and two together, and guessed that that was Awsten, and that’s where he was headed.

—————

Geoff and Otto followed the red dot as it left the city, and headed down more rural roads. Eventually it stopped moving, and the purple and orange dots began to catch up. 

When they caught up, they saw two cars parked in front of an old wooden fence which enclosed a field of tall grass that easily towered over Geoff by a few inches. Both recognised the car on the right to be Awsten’s, but had no clue who the other car belonged to. It looked familiar, that was for sure, but that might have just been because it was a popular model. Neither could place where they’d seen it before, but it was definitely odd that it was also here.

And as if things couldn’t get any weirder, a soft turquoise glow was emanating from within the field.

With Awsten still not in sight, both parties reluctantly decided to head towards the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @average-human-being
> 
> Extra info/explanations:
> 
> •The is meant to be set during the Fandom era (current era), in the summer. However, the tour dates for this era don’t line up with when I wanted this to be set. I try to write dates and timings as accurate as possible, but it didn’t work for this.
> 
> •The app that Geoff uses doesn’t exist (at least to my knowledge). I wanted them to use an app to track Awsten, but idk how Find My Friends works- so I made an app up.
> 
> •The colours of their dots in the app are based on what colours the first letter of their name is (A=red, G=purple, O=black (but I wanted to use a colour, and T=orange)).
> 
> •I have no idea the layout of LA, or it’s surrounding areas. I don’t know for certain if grassy fields, like the one at the end, actually exist an hour outside of LA (which is how long the drive there was).


	2. We Need To Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After following Awsten to a grassy field outside of LA, Geoff and Otto are about to see something strange take place...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: blood
> 
> This chapter is double the length of chapter 1, and the main reason I decided to split this fic over 3 chapters!!
> 
> (Also, watch the We Need To Talk music video before reading this, because I reference it in this chapter).
> 
> See the end notes for any extra info or explanations!!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @average-human-being

The air in the tall grass was still, and their surroundings looked the same- grass in front and behind, to the left and right, above them was millions of stars, and below was dry, cracked dirt- the result of a lack of rain.

“I wonder if this is what Pokémon trainers feel like?” Geoff quietly joked, as they continued to move closer to the light. His pun only eliciting a small smile and eye roll from Otto.

—————

As they got closer to the light, voices could be heard. Neither could tell who the voices belonged to (probably the people who owned the cars), or what they were saying. All they could make out were the pitches of the voices- not low enough to really intimidate either of them, but they were still cautious.

The closer they got, the clearer the words coming from the voices were. There only seemed to be two of them, which seemed to relax both further.

 _‘Now if we have to fight them, at least there’ll be an equal number,’_ Otto thought. He refrained from saying it out loud, in case it caused Geoff to worry, or the voices heard him.

When they were roughly 20 feet away from the light, a familiar “ ** _Nice_** ” was heard. Both parties shared a look of recognition and surprise, even though they already knew Awsten was here.

—————

Eventually, they found themselves peering through the grass, onto an opening, where nothing seemed to grow. The ground was even more cracked, and there was a noticeable burnt spot in the centre.

The pair saw two figures standing in the opening. Although both were dressed in dark colours, the fluorescent green of Awsten’s hair, and the fact that he was the source of the blue light, made him stand out like a sore thumb. On closer inspection, which was difficult as he was stood a few feet away from them, Geoff noticed that Awsten’s skin had turned the same blue colour that he was emitting, and that on the back of his neck and where his sleeves were pushed up, he could see his bones. The sight could only be compared to if someone had had their bones tattooed onto their skin in blue ink.

The other figure was less familiar to either of them. It took a few seconds of looking, but the sight of the tattoos on the figure's neck seemed to jog Otto’s memory.

“It’s Elijah,” Otto whispered, hoping Geoff heard him.

—————

The two continued to watch the conversation, noticing that Awsten’s skin seemed to be becoming transparent. 

Eventually, Elijah took off his backpack, and started to take out a number of items: a newspaper, 2 white candles, 3 black candles, a pocket knife, a lighter, and 2 black leather bound books, one of which had white writing on the front- the other was blank.

The two of them watch as Elijah walked past Awsten, towards the burnt spot. However, when Awsten turned to also watch what Elijah was doing, Geoff and Otto finally caught a glimpse at Awsten’s face. Similar to his arms, the image of a full skull (where his actual one was underneath his skin) could be seen. And also like his arms, his skin (and whole body, for that matter) was becoming more and more transparent. So much so, that Otto swore he could see the grass on the other side of the clearing, through Awsten’s body.

Their focus then switched to Elijah, who was placing down the newspaper and 5 candles, in a way that if you were to draw a star on the ground, the candles would be on the points- before taking out the lighter, and lighting them.

They continued to watch as Elijah took the pocket knife to the palm of his hand, and dropped his blood into the flames- causing them to turn from their normal orange glow, to a rich green.

When Elijah got to the candles closest to where Geoff and Otto were hiding in the grass, he subtly smiled in their direction, winked, and then carried on. Geoff was sure that Elijah knew that they were both there, and that was his way of assuring them that he won’t tell Awsten.

—————

After Elijah had finished lighting all the candles, Awsten stepped into the centre of them. The newspaper crinkled under his feet, and the colour of the flames changed to an unnatural orange, contrasting Awsten’s blue- almost drowning it out.

Elijah then knelt in front of Awsten, placing the blank black book on the ground, and opening the other. He began to speak in a tongue that neither Geoff or Otto understood, but judging by the scene in front of them, was probably Latin.

As he spoke, the light grew brighter and brighter until… 

  
Nothing.

The candles went out, and Awsten was seemingly back to normal. They watched as Awsten’s now opaque form exited the candle circle and made his way over to Elijah for a hug, before helping him to tidy up.

  
Geoff and Otto must have had the same idea, as they both turned around, and made their way back to the car.

—————

When Awsten and Elijah exited the grass, they saw Geoff and Otto standing by a rental car, looking tired and worried- like a mother whose child had wandered off in a supermarket.

“What the fuck!? Why the... why are you two here?? Was this _your_ doing?” he said, turning to Elijah, who was already getting into his car.

“Nope, I don't know how they got here, but I’m going home. See you guys later!” He waved as he drove off, leaving Awsten to explain why he was here, and what had just taken place.

Geoff and Otto made their way towards Awsten, before engulfing him in a hug. Awsten had expected them to be mad or upset, and to ask a million and one questions- but he much preferred this outcome to the other ones.

They all stood in silence for a few minutes, before Awsten spoke up.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys what I was doing when I went ‘off the grid’,” he mumbled, “I’ll explain when we get back to mine, please? I just wanna get out of here.”

“Yeah, of course. Let’s get back” Geoff said, before they all withdrew from the hug, getting into their cars, and leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @average-human-being
> 
> Extra info/explanations:
> 
> •I used “Nice” as the way Geoff and Otto recognise Awsten’s voice, because of how many times he says it in the Waterparks Twister video (and I couldn’t think of anything else he says a lot).
> 
> •Elijah was the only person I could think of that would be fitting to perform the ritual in this, seeing as (from the videos I’ve seen of his), he seems to have an interest in/knowledge of the supernatural
> 
> •The ritual performed is the same as from the We Need To Talk music video (apart from the flame colours, and who’s in the circle). If you haven’t seen it, watch the damn MV because it’s amazing!!!
> 
> •The way the candles work, is that they change to to opposite colour of the, I guess, aura of the person in the centre of them?? Since Awsten was blue in this (“You’re yellow, I’m natural blue”), the flames became (unnatural) orange (the opposite of blue).
> 
> •The concept of this fic and Awsten’s whole look (ghostly design and outfit), were based roughly on a drawing one of my friends did!! The only thing that’s different (with his appearance), is that he’s wearing a black hoodie in this, not the black and yellow jumper.
> 
> Drawing link >> https://bee-can-art.tumblr.com/post/621016727064543232/this-is-for-an-instagram-collab-where-me-and


	3. I... ‘did it’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff and Otto finally find out the truth about why Awsten has been going ‘off the grid’, and what the ritual they just saw was...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: suicide mentioned
> 
> Final chapter!!!! This one isn’t as long as the last one, but it get pretty heavy, pretty quickly...
> 
> See the end note for extra info/explanations!!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @average-human-being

5am saw Awsten, Geoff, and Otto sat on Awsten’s couch, the sun beginning to peer through the windows.

Awsten looked exhausted, sat trying not to drop his mug of coffee. Geoff thinks back to how they’d only made it a few miles down the country road, before Awsten stopped his car, got out, and asked if Otto could drive his car home, as he slept in the rental car on the way back. Otto agreed, and Awsten was out (asleep) for the rest of the journey back.

Both sat patiently waiting for Awsten to begin his explanation, not wanting to force him to tell them.

—————

The silence lasted for almost 10 minutes, before Awsten finally spoke.

“Do you remember how, when I broke up with…” he paused, looking down into his drink, “... her, and I would have dreams about her almost every night? Sometimes multiple in one night?”

They both nodded.

“Well, I’d kinda had enough of it all and…did it.”

Judging by Awsten’s expression, they both knew what ‘did it’ meant, tears beginning to prick at their eyes.

“It was back at my apartment in Houston, and I regretted it so much… I was so glad when I remembered that Elijah had been visiting for the week, and might have had some sort of… solution.” Awsten looked up to meet Geoff and Otto’s eyes, the same blank expression on his face, but his eyes too began to water.

He continued, “The solution, it wasn’t,  _ isn’t _ permanent, but it got me back… And now every month, I have to go back to Elijah, so he can do the thing you saw tonight… until he can find a permanent solution.”

They sat in silence, the air felt tense and heavy- tears streaming silently down all their faces. 

“I’m so sorry,” Awsten said, setting his drink down, and wiping his face with his sleeves- the others mirroring his actions. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want you to worry because I… did it… and that was a  _ stupid  _ descision. I’ve gotten help for it, it’s all just… yeah…” 

The room fell silent again, the only noise coming from the cars and birds outside. Geoff was the first to speak up.

“That was a lot… but neither of us are mad at you for not telling us… we’re just glad that you’re ok now- right, Otto?” he said, turning to his left.

“Yeah, why would we be mad? It’s a lot for us to process… but you’re the one who’s had to deal with all this.” He gestured to all of Awsten.

“Heh, thanks dude,” Awsten sighed, seeming to relax a bit.

The conversation seemed to end there, but Otto had decided he wasn’t done yet.

“Soooo… can you, like, do cool ghost stuff?” he asked.

“Seriously??” Awsten answered, a smile slowly creeping onto his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! I had fun staying awake ‘til past 3am writing and editing this, and I hope it brought you some sort of entertainment!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @average-human-being
> 
> Extra info/explanations:
> 
> •The mention of Awsten having dreams abt his ex each night, sometime multiple in one night, is something that actually happened. He wrote about it in his book, in the chapter “How to get your heart broken and not die” (I think). I try to write as accurately as possible, and this was something that is true to life, and seemed to really affect him irl.
> 
> •If it wasn’t obvious by now, I had this set in LA, not just because that’s where Awsten lives rn, but also because Elijah is there. It made more sense to have him based there, than in Houston- travelling back and forth each month.
> 
> •(Tw: suicide) If you hadn’t caught on, ‘did it’ is a way of saying he committed suicide. Suicide is not a joke, and I don’t want to romanticise it in anyway. If you or anyone you know are struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, please seek out help!!


End file.
